Have you contacted Parentline in the last six months? We'd love to hear your feedback!

Take the survey now!

Main Menu

Keeping the Romance Alive After Kids

The transition from being a couple to being a family can be an exciting time, but it can also bring with it some challenges.

Baby smiling as parents cuddle in background

Romance after kids

Why can it be so hard to keep the romance alive after kids?

Here are some common relationship challenges faced by new parents that can put a strain on their connection:

  • Divided time - When balancing so much, it can be hard to devote the same amount of time and attention to each other as you might have done in the past
  • Less energy - Late night nappy changes, getting the kids ready for school and heading off for a full day’s work can all make it hard to keep up with romance at times
  • Privacy - Family time can often overtake ‘you time’ and ‘couple time’, especially when it comes to bedtime and there are monsters under the bed
  • New roles - You may be learning what it means to be a parent, on top of keeping up with the many other roles you may have (partner, daughter/son, employee)
  • Emotional ups and downs - Given everything you are trying to juggle, lots of parents can notice their stress levels rise which can sometimes result in more arguments

You're not the only one!

During those late nights where sleep feels impossible and you’ve just had an argument with your partner about whose turn it is to attend to the kids, it can be easy to wonder how you will make it through.

Try to keep the following in mind:

  • It is common for couples to experience change in their sex life after starting a family
  • While the transition can be hard at first, it won’t always be this way
  • Most parents will find ways to adapt and get that balance
  • Statistics show most parents are staying together longer and are divorcing less
  • As the kids grow, so will you, your partner and your relationship
  • Working together is key to finding a way through this time

Tips to keep the romance and connection alive

While trying to balance your family and life commitments, it can be hard to keep that important connection between you and your partner alive. It is this connection that will help you both make your way through these changes. To do this, it can mean:

  • Honest and respectful communication – Share your needs and hear your partner’s needs too
  • Redefining expectations together – Keep things realistic and reasonable by negotiating to find what you are both agreeable to
  • Working on things early – Don’t let issues build up until they feel too big to tackle; be brave and speak up if something isn’t working for you
  • Scheduling time together – Remember date nights? It might be time to put them on the agenda again!
  • Finding out what romance means for you both - Everyone has different ways of showing they care
  • Being flexible and patient – Things won’t always go as planned, learn to roll with it and accept that things won’t always go the way you want them to

Romance after kids can exist!

It may take some time to adjust and find balance between your role as a parent and a partner.

This content was last reviewed 18/05/2018

Was this information useful?

Help us by rating this page:

Thanks for your feedback!

Parentline is here for you.

Sometimes you just need to talk to someone. Sometimes you need guidance.