Building Healthy Family Relationships
Building strong family relationships supports your child to cope with challenges and ...
READ MECommunication Tips For Parents
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship with your child. Here are some tips to help you and your child communicate well together.
What is great communication?
Great communication allows you and your child to build trust, self-esteem and better connect within your relationship.
Some questions to keep in mind:
- How will the way I communicate with my child change as they grow?
As children grow and gain independence, the way you communicate with them will naturally shift. What works for a young child may need to change as they develop their own opinions, emotions and need for autonomy.
- Is getting my message across the most important part of communication?
Sharing a message is only one part of effective communication. How your child feels heard and understood matters just as much as the words you use.
- Why is listening so important when communicating with my child?
Great communication is a two-way process. Listening helps your child feel respected and valued, and gives you insight into what they are thinking, feeling or struggling with.
- What affects whether communication with my child is successful?
Successful communication depends on what you say, when you say it, where the conversation happens, and how and why you communicate. What you choose not to say can be just as important as what you do say.
- Why might my child struggle to communicate or manage emotions?
Your child’s brain is still developing. This includes learning how to understand emotions, regulate reactions and communicate clearly, which takes time and support.
- How does good communication support my child’s development?
Positive communication helps children build skills for respectful relationships, understand their feelings, and feel safe to ask for help or support when they need it.
Communication styles
The way we communicate differs based on gender, cultural background, age and the situation.
It’s likely you and your child have different communication expectations because of the generation gap.
In general there are three communication styles. Assertive communication is preferable to passive or aggressive communication.
Assertive communication – not blaming others and taking turns to listen
Passive communication – giving the silent treatment and avoiding conflict
Aggressive communication – being forceful, not listening, harsh and blaming
Common communication mistakes
Communication mistakes can lead to feelings of anger, frustration and possibly conflict between you and your child. Knowing the pitfalls can help you communicate more effectively. You may notice your child making these mistakes too. Calmly discussing this can help them improve their communication.
- Alienating messages – making ‘you’ statements that are blaming – eg. “You’ve upset me”
- Interrogating – asking lots of closed questions with a direct tone can make your child feel unable to open up
- Avoiding – not communicating thoughts, feelings or wishes because of a fear of upsetting your child or embarrassment
- Labelling – when you judge or give your child a label – ‘because you are young you will think a certain way’
- Mind reading – when you assume and expect your child to know your thoughts and feelings without discussing them
- Interruptions and distractions – not giving your child your full attention can make it seem like you are not interested in what they have to say
How you can support great communication with your child
It’s easy to expect more of your child than they can give. They are on an emotional (and hormonal) rollercoaster during certain stages of growing up.
Here are some ideas to help you be a great communication role model:
- Show empathy by trying to understand their perspective
- Show genuine interest and give them your undivided attention
- Encourage face to face instead of electronic or online communication
- If you need to calm down, pause and allow yourself time to think before talking more
- Notice your own communication style and make changes if it is either aggressive or passive
- Don’t avoid conflict - calmly take the lead in facing it
- Listen and summarise back to your child what you heard them say
- Plan how, where and when to talk with your child and also know what not to say
- Ask questions and share concerns rather than making assumptions and criticising
- Teach your child about the three communication styles (assertive, passive and aggressive)
When communication breaks down
You might feel powerless when you and your child can’t talk effectively about difficult topics. Here are some things you can try to get your communication back on track:
Tell your child you care and will do all you can to work this out
Try sticking to safe topics, while you build up trust again and work out what to do
Practice great communication while talking about the little things - like what interests them
Sometimes it can help to have a calm third person involved to support communication between you and your child
Notice when your child is more open to talking – it could be while you’re playing a game together or doing chores
If you have concerns about your child’s development of communication skills for their age, check in with your doctor
Seek extra support to build up effective communication skills by talking with Parentline and encouraging your child to speak with Kids Helpline
Great communication is so important - though it isn’t always easy!
If communication is becoming an issue, there is support available.
Need guidance on how to have positive and constructive conversations with your child?
Give Parentline a call on 1300 30 1300 (QLD & NT) and speak to one of our trained counsellors.
Not living in QLD or NT? Check out this list of Parentline counselling services in each state or territory.
This content was last reviewed 18/05/2018
Parentline is here for you.
Sometimes you just need to talk to someone. Sometimes you need guidance.
