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Supporting teens with the social media ban

If you’ve got a teen under 16, they’re probably having some big feelings about the age delay. Here’s how to best prepare and support them through it.

Two Teen Girls looking at a phone in their hand, scrolling social media

Explaining the age delay

Start having conversations now. And have multiple conversations about it. Here’s some things that can help:

Get the right information. eSafety is your go-to source for the latest on what is happening, and how – including what’s included in the ban and what’s not.

Ask them their thoughts and feelings. Any thoughts and feelings are ok and valid.
Explore the pros and cons together. What worries your child the most about it? What good do they think might come out of it?
Try to take a balanced approach to the delay. It’s ok to be honest about your feelings, but also to try and look at both sides, such as:

“On the one hand, I don’t agree with banning social media altogether. On the other hand, I’m glad there wasn’t social media when I was a teen... and I think I’d benefit from less time on it too.”

Or, “I think it’s a good thing because your brain is still developing and social media can be bad for mental health. But it's understandable people are upset – social media has good bits too.”

Preparing for 10 December

Now’s a great time to help your teen get ready for the upcoming changes!

1. Prepare together for their account to be closed

If your child is already on social media and will be losing access, create a plan together. This can include saving/downloading their memories and content, setting up other ways to connect online with important people in their lives, and finding age-appropriate platforms and apps to follow their favourite content creators on. ESafety has some helpful guides and worksheets.

2. Explore support and wellbeing options

Check out Kids Helpline for age-appropriate information on the ban, and coping strategies. Kids Helpline also has a safe and free social media platform called My Circle that is exempt from the ban. And don’t forget, Parentline is here to support parents through this too!

Please also let them know if they (or someone they know) is underage on social media and something bad happens, they won’t get in trouble and they will still be supported by you, police and professionals. It's important to report things like sextortion, cyberbullying, etc., and not keep them secret.

3. Create a ‘get out of jail free’ plan

Did you know that teens report they’re likely to keep bad stuff that happens online secret from their parents?

A great way to prevent this can be to create a ‘get out of jail free’ plan. They can invoke the plan by saying, “I need to use the get out of jail free plan”, which makes it safe for them to tell you something that’s gone wrong online. If they invoke the plan, you focus on listening to understand and working together to resolve the problem.

It doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences – just that you’ll stay calm, fix the situation together, and figure out consequences at a later date once the crisis has passed (if needed). A plan like this increases the likelihood that your child will ask you for help if they do something wrong, like send a sext. Discuss this with your child and figure out the details of your own plan together.

4. Create a ‘getting ready for social media’ plan

Plan for when they turn 16 and can access social media again. Sometimes it’s great to have a ‘blank canvas’. What would they do differently? What would they like to learn more about? What advice would they give to younger friends or siblings? There’s lots of resources that can help with this – and understanding social media’s effects on the brain can be a great starting point. Kids Helpline has an article on the teen brain here, and Parentline has a version to help parents understand the teen brain on social media.

My child has a way around the ban

Teens are very tech savvy. There will likely be teens who find ways around the bans.

Here's some stuff to know:

If your teen finds ways around the ban, they won’t get in trouble

Parents won’t get in trouble if their teens find ‘workarounds’ and/or are still on socials after 10 December

Parents can’t give ‘permission’ to be on socials under the age of 16 (no matter your personal feelings on the issue)

There may be unforeseen consequences of the ban, like teens finding new, different, or less regulated social media platforms to use instead; these could carry additional risks of harm

Just because a platform isn’t banned, it doesn’t mean it’s safe for teens; there are still risks on permitted platforms

Some banned platforms can still be accessed without an account, e.g. YouTube and TikTok (which means teens to access these but can’t setup an account or log in)

Teens who are under 16 and still on socials will be at increased risk – if the social media platform thinks they’re older than 16, there will be less age-based protections for them; and if the platform thinks they’re in another country, that may carry risks as laws and protections can vary from country to country

If your child experiences anything distressing on social media, please report it. They won’t be in trouble and neither will you!

"My kid is really struggling with the ban..."

That’s understandable. It’s a big change – and having something taken away is hard.

Lots of young people feel they didn’t have a voice or choice in the change. And socials have good things about them. According to research, teens use socials to regulate negative emotions, for social connection and community building and identity formulation, as well as for information, inspiration and entertainment.

Being without socials isn’t just about FOMO – some features on social media hack our brains reward system which can make it highly addictive, and going without socials is like going through withdrawals. The most important thing you can do as a parent or carer is to connect with your child.

Keep connecting, asking questions, understanding and validating their feelings and supporting them.

If you need more help and guidance, Parentline is here. Each parent, child and family dynamic is unique – our counsellors will work with you in a personalised way, based on your and your child’s strengths, to find a path forward.

And if your child need support, Kids Helpline can support them for any reason.